By Lionel Gayle
Fathers deserve their big day too. Just like mothers – who are pampered to the hilt on Mother’s Day each year – dads should be encouraged to adapt that air of expectancy every time Father’s Day comes around.
This year the highly commercialized Father’s Day is being observed on Sunday, June 19. It was inaugurated in West Virginia in 1908, mainly to celebrate fatherhood, and of course, to complement Mother’s Day which “is rooted in antiquity.”
Do all dads deserve some pampering on Father’s Day?
Some people, mainly disgruntled wives and neglected “baby-mothers,” think not. And some of them have taken on the devious task of dividing fathers into a sort of loving, “responsible alpha males” and wicked, “dead-beat dads.”
But there is a wide spectrum of “other fathers” between those two popular, categorised markers. For instance, what about the “good” homely dads with all those secret children outside? And think of the Jekyll and Hyde fathers who, at nights, are transformed into lechers as they prowl after-hours clubs and whorehouses, as well as rob and hurt innocent people.
And there are those who verbally and physically abuse members of their families, and engage in incestuous relations with their children. And for various reasons, there are many fathers who are estranged from their grown children.
So here are four recommendations for Father’s Day 2011:
• Reconciliation with estrange children
A father’s guilt, based on his years of neglect can easily be the cause of lack of communication with his grown children. Or, it could be the daughter’s (or son’s) resentment of her dad’s action that is at the crux of the matter. Then again, they probably arrived at that stage because of some disagreement in the not-too-distant past.
Now is a good time to bury the hatchet. But who should make the first move? Anybody can initiate the move with a phone call. Then you meet and take it from there. If both of you followed through and you actually met, that’s a great Father’s Day gift. There’s no need to buy anything.
• For so-called dead-beat dads
If you’re a father who has not been taking care of your children, change that situation now. Especially if it’s a case in which their mothers can’t cope, or can barely manage. Don’t allow your ex-wife or baby-mothers to keep maligning you.
And you don’t want any of those children to grow up telling people about “my mother who fathered me” while you are alive and well.
Incidentally, a common case like that led Jamaican anthropologist Edith Clarke to document her landmark book “My Mother Who Fathered Me,” published in 1957. It was re-issued by the University of the West Indies, Kingston, Jamaica, in 1999.
• Get help for your incestuous behavior
Dads with incest on their minds should get help immediately. In her hypothetical experience Queen Ifrica sings, “Everyday a wonder why ma daddy had to be di one to take away my innocence.” Check out her song, called “Daddy” (Don’t Touch Me There) at this link. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYrXb_KJmEU&feature=related).
• Don’t ignore your children’s connections
Start talking to their teachers, pastors and sport team leaders. Get to know their friends. In fact organise a party – nothing big and fancy – and invite their friends’ parents. Show your appreciation to those who play important roles in your children’s lives.
